3 of my friends are stuck in san fransisco.  If there is anybody willing to go get them please contact me. Gas money wil be supplied. Or if you can hot wire cars let me know. both of the vehicles are outside of my house... This is super important. Please help.

*if anyone besides bruce has a more definite or immediate plan please let me know.

Are you an alkie if you drink by yourself? I've never thought so. what differece does fun make if you do it by yourself or with others? well I was saving a bottle for a friend and I but she bailed out cuz she had to work and now I'm drinking by  myself and having a grand old time. Woo video games they are much more challenging when you lack coordination. But anyway, I've changed the message on the machine so ... don't be alarmed if its the the same. But call me cuz i am bored and would be grateful for someone to talk to.

Fuck my new job. It really sucks. Really sucks. My feet hurt. I never have time for myself anymore it seems. Oh well, it might seem worth it when I get my first pay check.  Who knows. I'm going to tough it out because i think the money might actually be worth it. Right now, I'm going to bed. goodnight.

Ok, I actually got shit done today! I start work tomorrow At 5:00 PM and that rocks! Also, what I am more excited about is I went down to De Anza College and applied and got a course schedule and shit... I have a Student ID number again! (why is it that being reduced to a number makes me so happy? Employee numbers... ID numbers... Student ID numbers....) Anyway, I can't wait to be a student again! I am so ready to get back into it! I'm not going to fuck it off this time. So, yeah. Yay me!!!

Happy birthday mom.  She turned 39 today and did nothing but take a day off work and read. what a weirdo. but then it came to my attention that my b-day is only 3 months off. weird. I don't even remember my last b-day. As time goes by birthdays have seemed less and less important. oh well. um, i get to hang out with heather on monday and that will be pretty cool if she doesn't have to work. so... anyway... um, boring day. I'm in my least fav. part of silent hill 4 now, and it sucks because it is so scary that I often have to turn off the console with out saving because i am so worked up. (this stupid fucking game actually gives me nightmares, but secretly I love it) i worked it out and by the time i start my job, (if it is indeed soon) i will get paid right around the same time silent hill origins comes out. now all I have to do is make sure I make enough money to afford rent and a new PSP and a game... damn... and pay back most of my debts... and all kinds of other shit. damn living is hard... But i guess we all have to do it.

OK, so I have been back for a while... but haven't really felt like posting. Um, my mom sucks. More accurately, my mom's new boyfriend sucks.  And makes her suck in the process. This was honestly the most unpleasant  visit I've had with her, and we didn't even fight. i guess any energy that I would have used for arguments was burned up in the discust that I felt. She's acting like a fucking lovesick 14 year old.  Ugggh. The guy is totally creepy and rude. Anyway, I go to my new job tomorrow no that I actually have an  ID.  Hopefully it won't take too long to get an employee number and get started. She said it would be pretty quick. I need some money that's all.  Even though this job is most likely going to suck... don't most jobs anyway?

Ok, mu mom is coming right now to pick me up for a while. I'm going to go get my ID fixed (those bastards at the DMV put the wrong address on it. We are also going to swing by the hospital at some point because I've been feeling so ill for so long now. I keep getting dizzy and stuff. weird I know so we are going to go see what we can do about it.  anyway she doesn't have internet at her house so it will be a while before I'm back on. sorry for the random capitalization's and stuff. i don't feel well enough to correct them.

I got the job!!!! I start on Thursday. Fucking uhhh. Oh yeah. Sorry just kinda stoked. Other than that, more big news. I found out that I'm not the only one with an uber dork dance... shocking. You never do know what you will find on LJ. First long lost friends, then other uber dorks? this place fucking rocks!!!! AND A FUCKING JOB!!!! Wooo! I need to calm the fuck down. I gotta go play silent hill....

Damn the move things quickly. Tomorrow i go in for two hours so they can see how i interact with customers and the like. Fuckin' A man. i'm excited.  of course i have failed to mention that i still do not have an id... hopefully they can work with that. i'll figure something out.  WEEEEEE!

Holy crap!!! Thanks Bruce for the marvelous idea to go down to the Great Mall and look for jobs!!! OK here's what happened.  First I thought I was going to be picky and I only picked up applications for borders and the sharper image and game stop before i realized that i had been through the whole mall and only grabbed 3 apps. not good. so i told myself to be selective but open. so there was a saks 5th ave. outlet store that i thought would be higher end. so i walk up to the counter and talk to the young man behind it for a min. or two before asking for an app. so, he hands me one and says " OMG you're HELLA professional." he did not say Oh My God he said out loud "OMG"  And i began to think twice about wanting to work there. if this dumb ass got hired then the most likely did not pay commission.  so fuck that.  then i saw a BCBG store. I recognized the brand from drooling over Vogue mags all my life. I walked in and the store was a freaking mess. of the three people that worked in the store only the manager knew how to work the register. I asked for an app and she asked for a one on one chat right off the bat. Asking me about myself and shit. Turns out they need help so badly that I have an interview tomorrow at 2:30!!!!! holy crap. thats not the best part. there's a 5% commission and a 75% discount!!!! FUCK ME!!! so yeah.  needless to say i'm stoked.  sorry for the bad grammar and such. i'm so excited, and i just can't hide it!!! fuck yeah.

Sigh. What a terrible subject line that was... It has nothing to do with anything. Other than the fact that maybe its time for my heart to be broken again. Which is to say I'm tired of being lonely. But I don't want anything. But this sucks. But god I was suppost to find myself and not become involved with any one... but the more I discover about myself, the more I don't like what's there. WHY can't I just be HAPPY!!! GRRRRRRRRR! Sorry, It's frustrating to feel this way. Knowing that no one can do anything for me but still feeling the need to bitch about it is kinda draining. I feel so hollow. wah wah wah. Shut up you fucking baby.

ok. so yesterday was fun. i got to hang out with Caty and that was more awesome-ness than you can imagine... we ate pizza and cake... there were a few pictures involved. i look quite silly in them. she is beautiful as always. oh yeah, i tried to do the whole grammar thing but  i felt like i was betraying myself... so here i am back to not capitalizing any damn thing. 'cept other peoples names. anyway, that whole day was fun. it was so cool to see her again, but it was so short... damn time limits... other than that a general feeling of uselessness prevails over anything else. i don't think game crazy is going to hire me... maybe i am doomed to taco bell and the inevitable weight gain and acne that follows...  le sigh. fuck.... not even video games provide an adequate break in the monotony... what would i do with out you tube and the endless supply of free music it provides? its free after all and you can find almost everything... even a 52 second clip of the black hole party at baycon... anyway...

Hello. Umm, Wow. Today was an exciting day.... not really.  Actually nothing happened. I felt sick... but I got over it. I guess. These last few days... I dunno, I've been feeling very strange. Unexpectedly emo... I usually make fun of people who look as sad as I do. Things have been running through my head. Old things. I thought I got over feeling like this. Maybe its just because I'm nervous. Tomorrow I see Caty and I guess that has a right to bring up strong emotions... but Its other stuff to. I feel so inadequit. Like I keep fucking up. Mostly because I do next to nothing. I've never dealt with that well. I feel, ah fuck it. I can't word it properly. Bad. sure thats it.

Wow. thanks Caty for the quiz... I accidentally got the same thing as you... weird. I however, do not know how to post the results here. I know I suck but remember I hate the internet. The only good things its ever done for me is find Caty. Who I will be seeing tomorrow for the first time since a little while after ummm was it 6th grade? I visited once and we all went mini golfing.... fun fun. but even that was like... 5 or 6 years ago. I can't wait for tomorrow. Um.. as far as today goes I'm going to hang out with my cousins Karaoke man. He's gonna help me get out of the house for a while. I'm looking forward to that as well... Oh crap, I should stop looking forward to that and start getting ready for it...
-bye

YAY!!! There is a Game Crazy close! And they said it would be really easy for me to be hired again!!! Especially since I am on good terms with my old store manager! So that is the exciting news of the day!! Of course I have to take a random and snaking bus route there... but its cool! Weeee1 Sat. is closer now than it was on Mon.! and that means I get to see Caty soon. I am so much looking forward to that. She makes me happy! (not many peop0le do anymore.) And I think hanging out with her will way cheer me up! Cuz I've been so lonely lately...

Sigh, my cousin finally came home today. FUCKIN' WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! I do miss her so when she's gone... Got to see some pictures of myself that were pretty dissapointing... well not if you disregard the face... cuz they actually turned out ok except for that minor (MAJOR) detail. but I guess I have an excuse... it was like 4 in the morning and I was drunk earlier that night. yeah, drunk + later = bad pictures. Oh well. How many days away is saturday? i need to know so i can start the countdown. Or better yet, maybe i should not find out what day it is... so that the wait does not seem so intense.... I heart you Caty. Can not not not wait to see you. On a sour note... today was the last day that i get paid untill I find a real job. yay. But I just found out there's a game crazy close... Now that was a fun job. I'll try again. um... g'night. Oh yeah i finally manage to remember my key and end up locking myself out of the house anyway. that was fun.

Holy shit. i guess LJ is useful for something. I just managed to find some one who i've been looking for for so long now. and she's on LJ. wow. I hope she is not pissed off at me for not being in contact with her... Now i'm all excited and wondering if she will read this and stuff... (if you are i'm living in the bay area now...) um.... wow. ok. went to SF today and checked out this really cool museum with all those old coin operated thingies. it was awesome fun. sigh... um... parking was way too expensive though and my dinner sucked. i still feel sick from it. sigh oh well. umm... that all.

sigh. nothing exciting today. just a lot of video games and phone calls. at least the video games were good. silent hill has a way of making me appreciate my dull world like nothing else can. its that whole "it could be worse" factor. work again tomorrow (i should probably be in bed now) and then money! yay. an old friend of mine is coming to visit tomorrow and i'm excited about it. it will be fun. but for now i am going to try to get some sleep. fruitlessly.

i just got back from seeing pirates 3 and all i can say is fuck everybody that said it sucked. thats right. i thought it was wildly entertaining. as good as the first one. 10 times better than the second. wow. and i sat close up in the theater which i don't usually do. what a perfect place to watch this movie from. it was awesome!!! sigh. i love the fact that it paid so much homage to the ride. (the first two let me down) anyway, it was good fun.

well, i did it. i fucked everything up. and now i have no idea who is pissed off at me. probably everyone. i can't say i blame them although i wish i knew exactly what the big deal was. however, i understand the consequences.  now i'm stuck at home all day everyday. weee. big fun. oh well. i hate drama. i never wanted to be the cause of it. i did something dumb, then someone freaked out. a lot. made a major deal out of it. like i said, i understand. but i'm still pissed off. mostly at myself. i should have known better. i just didn't understand why everyone was so mad. so, here i am alone. and the one person who i really wish i could talk to isn't answering. i don't know if she's mad at me or not. fuck everything. i give up.